Special Kid 特别的孩子 PDF Print E-mail
Nov 12, 2008 at 11:20 AM
Special Kid 特别的孩子
 

1. 分享

刚过去的农历新年, 和一些同乡朋友同学见面, 发觉几乎大家都当妈妈了。 我比她们早几年结婚育儿, 所以就能给她们一些意见作参考。 小孩子的很大部分性格, 反映了父母亲的行为和教育成果。 有时看到一些年轻妈妈对稍有问题的孩子束手无策, 我都想和他们分享我的经历。

 

 

2.我患上轻微的幻听症

我的儿子, 今年九岁了. 他的成长过程并不容易.自他从娘胎出来, 就很爱哭! 除了正常的为要吃,要大小便,要睡而哭,每天傍晚七点一到,就开始嚎声大哭晚上嬰儿也不肯睡,每天都哭个不停, 哭到邻居问我发生了什么事? 我的丈夫每天要骑摩托车到新加坡做工, 心里很担心他睡不好. 对嬰儿的哭闹,我请教了很多人,但都没有改善.

   
当时我就患上轻微的幻听症, 即使嬰儿睡着了, 我也仿佛听到他发出声音或哭了, 让我整个人坐立不安.

我们也到士古来天后宫去问神, 是不是有惹上肮脏东西? 我们被告知你的孩子长得可爱, 容易惹来阴人要和他玩.” !我也不知该为孩子的可爱而高兴还是痛哭? 我们抱出门走走, 别人看到他可爱,想要抱他, 他就大哭. 他的婆婆,姑姑都不敢抱他. 我们吃饭时, 一定要丈夫先吃,我看顾孩子;待丈夫吃完后接手,我才能战战兢兢吃我的食物. 有好一段日子,我和丈夫在外用餐时,要是看到邻桌坐有个小孩,或有人抱着嬰儿吃饭, 我们都会非常羡慕他们的孩子能乖乖不吵不闹,从容地吃上一顿饭!

 

 

这样的日子叫人难过, 好不容易挨到他一岁, 情况才渐渐改善. 只要他不哭,这孩子真的很可爱,很好玩!

3.我儿子终于可以说话啦! 

第二个苦难来了!

别人的孩子牙牙学语了,为何我的儿子没动静? 心想可能会迟一点吧! 等到他快两岁了,还是不会讲话.当时心里的着急和担忧真不是盖的! 有人告诉我说, 可能让儿子多和其他小孩一起玩, 多参与社交就会像小朋友那样学说话了. 我们把他带到幼儿园,希望他能学说话. 我们一走开, 他就害怕大哭起来, 我们在门外听到感到好心酸.


    后来我们听人说,有些小孩的舌头底下的筋长得太过前面, 动个小手术把那个筋剪开就会讲话了. 我们不断的把儿子的嘴巴叉开, 看来看去, 好像是那个情况, 又好像不是….


 
 

我们把他带到专科医院的儿童外科, 医生检查后,肯定说不用剪舌头! 医生介绍了一个儿童语言专家给我. 这专家可还是新山仅有的儿童语言问题专家, 也专处理自闭症,过动儿,唐氏儿等儿童问题. 经过她的查诊后, 证实我的儿子的口腔肌肉不能好好操作, 导致舌头只会放直, 不会左右摇摆, 也连着不会吹, 不会吸, 所以也就不会说话了. 他不会咬嚼稍微硬的食物. 专家说如果孩子能控制口腔肌肉, 就能开始教他发出一个一个单音,然后进一步教他双字的词汇, 接下来就能教他组句子说话了。

 

专家叫我们到新加坡找一种儿童口腔训练的道具, 是软软的橡胶棒子,有点像牙刷. 我每天在家忙着用这道具来刺激和按摩他的牙龈和舌头, 让他有感觉而去摆动舌头. 专家也教我们到星巴克咖啡馆拿一种很幼小的吸管,用来教他如何大力去做吹和吸的动作. 专家给了我一线希望, 但是, 那真的不容易啊!!!开始的时候, 我教得好沮丧, 每次的失败都让我好灰心. 我心想, 一个失去功能的器官, 要如何让它操作? 更何况, 对象是一个两岁不到的孩子,他能理解多少? 我的丈夫不断支持我, 孩子也很顺从, 我每一天又从新振作;加上专家的用心指导, 孩子的情况越来越进步. 当时我告诉自己, 将来孩子会说话了, 一直叫妈妈,我也听不厌我也不会嫌烦 ! (可是后来我没做到这一点, ;-) !) 经过一年多不断的努力后, 我儿子终于可以说话啦!

4.我陪着儿子进去手术室
 

心头大石渐渐放下来的时候, 另一个苦难来了!

儿子一直对我说小便会痛. 我看到他的阳具老是红肿, 就带他去找尿泌科医生. 医生说他的包皮过长, 涂药后还是要割包皮! 我又是一阵的心痛, 这么小的孩子, 能忍受吗? 医生说这细菌感染的问题会直卷土重来, 所以不割可不行.

 

 

 

终于, 手术的日子到了. 那天,我陪着儿子进去手术室. 我不让他看到我忧虑的表情, 就只管说故事给他听. 他也不哭不闹,静静的躺在担架上听我说故事,一直到他被昏迷, 抬上手术台. 虽然医生说这是个小手术, 可是为人父母的我来看, 这是大件事! 我的心情七上八下, 想着这孩子受的苦, 想着孩子醒来后必须忍受的痛, 我该如何做才能把孩子的痛苦减少到最低最少?
儿子手术后醒来, 竟不哭不吵, 真奇啊?! 回家修养的几天也乖乖的躺着不乱动, 也不会害怕. 这孩子真乖啊!

他要受的磨难过去了吗?

.. ! 第四个大难题在他五岁时候来了.

5.近视700度和懒惰眼 

那天他参加幼儿园的表演活动, 在台上唱着歌,跳着舞; 做妈妈的我多高兴啊! 我在台下一直向他挥手和招手, 可是为何他没看到我没睬我呢? 我的心一沉, 感到不妙. 表演活动结束后, 回到家里, 我指着墙上的时钟,叫他告诉我那是几点钟. 他说看不到. 我好担心, 我的丈夫一直安抚我说可能只是近视而已. 第二天, 我们马上带他去验眼睛. 验眼师说出:”他的右眼近视900多度, 而且有懒惰眼, 你们最好带他去看眼科专科!” 我大吃一惊! 他近视900多度? 我快晕了!什么是懒惰眼? 我们也当时真的没听过.

时不容迟, 我们就带他去看眼科专科. 在数小时的等待后, 轮到了我们, 医生为他点滴了眼药水, 告诉我们他的右眼近视700,左眼300, 确实有懒惰眼. 懒惰眼原来是一个眼没有操作,而另一颗眼独撑下导致大脑只用一眼看东西, 另一眼没用会慢慢造成失明. 由于那医生的态度关系, 我们认为这是那医生危言耸,故意说得严重来得到我们在他那里治疗. 我们决定去新加坡中央医院的眼科中心寻求治疗,希望那里有先进的医学发明能治疗我儿子的眼睛. 那个资深顾问医生解释, 我儿子右眼700度的大近视, 加上眼球周围的肌肉没有正常运作, 使到右眼的视线模糊; 大脑就自动放弃使用这右眼, 自然用左眼看东西.这个不平衡使用左眼,也导致它近视300度了. 即使配上右眼700度左眼300度的眼镜, 他的右眼还是不能操作, 因为没有那个眼力了. 我们明白了近视和眼力的分别. 医生说, 12岁以下的儿童, 眼球还在发育, 所以是有希望能够让懒惰眼重新操作起来; 可是近视是不能恢复没事, 近视能控制, 不能减低.

6.他从来都不抱怨

 要唤醒没操作的器官机能, 我们又开始了漫长物理治疗.

 那是用一种专粘贴眼睛的胶布, 像海盗那样盖着一个眼睛. 被粘盖是那个颗好的眼睛, 那么, 大脑就没有选择, 迫使它用那个不能操作的眼睛看东西, 希望那个眼睛不再懒惰’. 我儿子的左眼被盖上后, 他就看不清楚了, 我要时时看顾他的活动, 防着他撞到东西或跌到.

   
当时我不让孩子看到我的忧虑, 也不对他说可怜同情的这类话; 而是以一种轻松语气, 接受的心态,来解释给他听. 结果他也大方的接受这个事实. 每天乖乖的给我贴着一个眼睛长达六个小时. 除了盖着一眼不舒服不方便, 汗水也会导致眼睛痕痒, 使他不断的揉眼睛; 每一次拔开那片粘在他左眼的胶布时, 会连同拔掉几根眉毛 ,那会很痛! 他从来都不抱怨, 也乖乖带上眼镜.

   
这孩子远比他老妈还坚强!

   
电视广告卖的眼睛按摩机和小洞洞眼镜, 我们也买了让他使用,可是都没有特效. 眼科专科医生的贴眼睛物理治疗法慢慢地奏效, 每一次检查后被告知, 孩子的眼睛有进步了, 我们都很高兴. 这种贴眼睛的治疗折磨了他两年, 才把懒惰眼治好!

 

 7.感谢

我儿子已读小学三年级了, 功课优异, 不用我太担心; 到目前为止, 也再没有给我新的刺激.

这孩子让我学到很多东西, 不论是知识上还是心灵上, 都让我不断成长, 不断思考. 他让我知道, 不努力一定改变不了逆境; 努力也许不能确保会扭转局面, 但一定有所改变! 与其怨天尤人, 不如行动, 问人, 看书, 查资料, 想办法, 用爱心努力后一定能会不同的!


    我也很感谢那些曾经帮助过我的人, 他们的专业和爱心, 给我的鼓励和支持, 使我能一步一步走来.

意心
14/3/2008


Special Kid
- Yi Shin
1. Share My Own Experiences 

During the Lunar New Year just passed, I met up with some friends and old classmates from my hometown and discovered that most of them had become mothers.  I happened to marry and had children a few years earlier than them. Hence I could always give some suggestions to guide them.  A major portion of a kid’s character reflects on the parents’ behavior and their education.  Some time I find some young mothers who face troubles handling their slightly problem children, I feel very mush like to share my own experiences with them.

2. Hearing Hallucination 

My son is now nine years old.  His growing up path was not an easy one.  Since he was born, he liked to cry very much!  Beside the normal reasons for crying such as hunger, wanting to ease himself and to sleep, everyday at about the same time around 7 pm, he would start to cry aloud.  Also at night, he would not go to sleep.  He cried non-stop every night until my neighbors used to ask us what happened.  My husband at that time had to go over to Singapore to work on a motorbike every morning. I was really worried that he would not have enough sleep due to my son’s disturbance. I consulted many people concerning my son’s non-stop crying but his condition had never improved.

At that time I suffered slight hearing hallucination.  Even when my son had actually gone to sleep and I still seemed to hear him making noise or crying.  That caused me to be very jittery.

We then went to Tien Ho Gong temple to ask the God if it was because we had offended some “evil spirits”?  We were told that our kid was very cute and because of that he was prone to attract “spirits” to come and play with him. My God!  Should I cry or be happy for my kid being very cute?  Whenever we brought him out, other people often wanted to carry him because he looked cute.  But he would immediately cry out aloud.  His grandmother and aunties etc all dared not try to carry him.  Whenever we took our meals, my husband would have to eat alone first while I took care of him.  After he finished eating and took over our son would I start eating and even that in very unsettled mood.  For a long time whenever we saw in the next table a kid eating by himself or one being carried by an adult in his arm, we just envied that the kids could keep quiet to allow the adults to have their meals in peace!

Those miserable days were really hard to bear.  Fortunately the situation improved when he reached one year old.  When he was not crying, he was really cute and nice to play with,

 3. My Son Finally Could Speak

Then came the second misery!  How come other kids of his age had started to speak and yet our son still showed no sign of going to speak?  We thought might be he was a slow starter and we would wait a little longer.  But we waited until he was almost two years old and we just could not cover up our anxiety and worry anymore!  Some people told me that might be if I let him mix around with other kids or took him to functions more frequently, he might start to learn to speak like other kids.  So we enrolled him into a kindergarten hoping that he would pick up speaking.  But once we walked away from him, he was frightened and started to cry loudly.  We felt so sad observing him from outside the classroom. 

Later we heard from some other people that in some kids, the tendons under their tongues grew too far out and a minor operation to cut open the tendon would enable the kid to speak.  We kept opening up our son’s mouth and looked and looked under his tongue.  It looked like it but on further look it did not seem to be so………….

We finally brought him to see a paediatrician in a specialist hospital.  After examination the specialist concluded that it was not necessary to cut his tongue!  He introduced us to a child linguistic specialist.  This specialist is the only such specialist in Johore Bahru and he also specialized in the treatment of other children diseases such as austism, hyperactivity and Down’s Syndrome.  After examining, she confirmed that my son’s muscles could not function properly.  His tongue could only stretched out straight but could not move to left or right and hence he could not suck or blow, left alone speak.  He also could not chew things that were slightly hard.  The specialist said that when my son could control his mouth muscles then we could start to teach him to say a single syllabus word first and then advanced to a double syllabus word and eventually a whole sentence of words.  The specialist also asked us to go to Starlark Coffee Bar to get a type of very slim sucking straw to teach our son the movements of how to blow and suck hard.  The specialist had given us a ray of hope although we knew it was not going to be easy!  At the beginning, the training was tough and disheartening!  Every failure caused us to lose our confidence.  My heart kept wondering how could we make a non-functioning organ to operate again?  Morever the victim was only a kid of less than two years old.  How much could he understand?  Luckily my husband supported me relentlessly and my son was very obedient.  Everyday I braced myself up afresh.  In addition, with the careful guidance of the specialist, the condition of my son kept improving.  At that time, I promised myself that one day when my son could talk and kept calling me “Ma Ma” in future, I would not be bored and annoyed with him!  (But later I found myself unable to keep to my promise. He! He!)   After more than a year’s relentless effort, my son finally could speak!!

4. The Day Of The Operation 

When I was slowly putting down the boulder in my heart, another misery befell on my son. My son started complaining to me that he felt pain whenever he urinated. I saw that his penis was always swollen.  So I brought him to see a Urinologist.  The doctor said that his folding skin was too long and after applying medicine he still needed to be circumcised!  I felt a sharp pain in my heart.  Such a small kid, could he stand the pain?  The doctor explained that there was no alternative to circumcision as the bacterial infection would keep recurring otherwise. 

Finally the day of the operation arrived.  I accompanied him to the operation theater.  I did not want him to see the worry on my face.  So I kept telling him stories.  He did not cry or showed temper.  He just lay quietly on the stretcher listening to my stories until he was anesthetized and transferred to the operation table.  Although the doctor said it was a minor operation, but to us, his parents, it was a big thing.  Thinking of his suffering and the pain he had to tolerate after he woke up, what could I do to reduce his suffering to the minimum?  What a surprise, when he woke up from his operation, he did not cry or complain at all!! The next few days when he was recovering at home, he just lay quietly without unnecessary movements.  This kid was really wonderful!!!

Were all his miseries and suffering over?

Aye! Aye! Aye! When he was five years old, the fourth major misery hit him.

5. 700 Degrees & Lazy Eye 

That day, he joined the kindergarten performance activity.  He was singing and dancing on stage.  As his mother, I was very happy!  I waved and beacon at him but why didn’t he see me and acknowledge me?  Sensing something wrong, my heart sank.  When we reached home, I pointed to the clock on the wall and asked him what time was it.  He replied that he could not see.  I was really worried.  My husband kept consoling me saying that it might be just due to shortsightedness.  The next day we took him to an optician to test his eyes.  The optician told us, “His right eye is 900 degrees and also shows sign of lazy eye. It will be best to bring him to see an eye specialist.  I was shocked!  His shortsightedness is 900 degrees!  I felt like fainting!  What was “lazy eye”?  We had never heard of it before.

Without delay, we brought him to see an eye specialist.  After waiting for a few hours, our turn came.  The specialist after examining him and dropping a few eye-drops told us that his shortsightedness on his right eye was 700 degrees and on his left eye was 300 degrees and indeed he suffered “lazy eye” problem.  “Lazy eye” is a condition whereby one eye is not functioning so the other functioning eye will cause the brain to use only one eye to see all the time.  This will cause the good eye to slowly becoming blind due to overworking.  We thought the specialist was purposely exaggerating the problem to scare us into seeking treatment with him.  So we decided to go to the Singapore General Hospital to seek a second opinion.  We also hoped that the advanced medical installations there could cure my son’s eyes.  The senior consultant doctor there explained in detail to us, “The serious shortsightedness of 700 degrees plus the muscles around the right eye was not functioning properly caused it to see things blur.  Hence the brain gave up using the right eye and naturally used only the left eye to see.  This unbalanced use of the left eye also caused it to develop 300 degrees of shortsightedness.  Even if he put on a pair of 300/700 degrees spectacles, his right eye still will not function because it has lost its vision strength.”  We began to understand the difference between shortsightedness and vision strength.  The doctor then added, “For children below 12 years old, the eyes are still developing, hence there is still hope to make the lazy eye function again.  But there is nothing you can do for his shortsightedness.  The degrees can only be controlled but cannot be reduced.”

 6. He Had Never Complained

To wake up a non-functioning organ, we restarted a long process of physiotherapy.  The method involved using a type of sticky rubber pad for covering eyes to cover one eye like the pirate.  The eye covered was the good eye so that the brain had no choice but to use the bad eye to see so that the bad eye would not be lazy anymore. Since by covering his right eye, his vision became even more impaired, we had to look after him very carefully with his activities to make sure that he would not knock into some things or fall down.

At that time I did not allow my son to see through my worry neither did I told him things like being sorry or sympathetic.  Instead I used a very light-hearted and matter of fact approach to explain to him the truth and he accepted it.  Every day he would quietly let me stick the pad on his eye for six months or so.  Besides experiencing discomfort and inconvenience with the pad, sweats also caused his eye to itch and he had to keep rubbing his eyes.  Every time when the pad covering his right eye was pulled off, a few eyebrows would come off with it.  That was painful.

But he never complained and would quietly put on his spectacles after that.  This kid is definitely stronger in character than his Mom!

We also bought for him an eye massager and a “Restricted Vision” spectacle but neither gave any special result.  The eye specialist’s physiotherapy with eye pad slowly showed result.  Every time when we brought him back to the specialist, we were told that my son’s vision had improved further.  We were happy to hear that.  This treatment of using eye pad tormented him for two years before his lazy eye was cured.

 7. Thanks

My son is now in primary three already.  His result is excellent.  We need not worry over his study at all.  Since the last major misery, he did not cause me any more new anxiety.  This kid has made me learn much new knowledge and helps in my spiritual development.  He forces me to keep contemplating.  He makes me realize that when we are faced with unfavorable situations we must work hard.  Even if we cannot overcome it completely, at least we can change it to some degree!  Instead of blaming on fate or whatever, it will be better to take actions such as consulting others, reading up, seeking information, thinking of solutions, exercising compassion………After putting in these great efforts the result will definitely be different!

I will also like to thank all those who have helped me.  Their professionalism and compassion have been the support and encouragement that help me to go from step to step to pass through those troubled days!

 

Yi Shin
14/3/2008
Translated by:  Ang ES (15/05/2008)